so there’s this guy who i’ve been in love with, yes love, for the last year. don’t give me shit; i’ve had crushes, i’ve had relationships, but i love this boy.
long story short he doesn’t return the feelings, and the whole situation resulted in my losing a few friends (one of whom he is dating).
anyway, i hadn’t seen him in a year and i thought i was over it all, but because i was overseas when i was getting over him, i never got used to .. not being in love with him around him. even though i still talk to him a few times a week at least.
so i saw him and his girlfriend (my ex best friend) today and we hung out (we bumped into each other in the city).
watching them kiss and hold hands was the most unbearable pain. i had to keep turning away. i didn’t care if it was obvious. i felt like i was being punched in the chest and had been fed off food.
i actually haven’t broken down yet. i think it’s because i’m scared too. he was the first person that made me stop cutting. (he asked me to and he made me so happy i didn’t need to). so when i had my heart broken by him, i started again.
i mean, i haven’t felt the need to cut in a month or so. and apart from a slip up a couple of months ago, i’d almost gone most of the year.
i don’t think i have those tendencies anymore. my head and heart are just in a lot of pain at the moment, and i’m trying to keep it together.
and i’m still painfully alone.
yay for my life.
