i wish i had bigger boobs that don’t look like they belong on a 12 year old.
but i’m not too excited by fake tits either. they’re too obvious.
you and me both, buddy.
if you ever want to talk.
<3 thank you
thankyou anon.
but again it comes back to somebody i actually know saying something to my face, because otherwise i feel like people are just saying it to say it. if that makes sense?
i guess that’s just self-doubt. but. hey.
it’s just that i try so hard to be the person that i want to be and to look the way i want to look… well, what people want me to look like.
and it works in the fact that everywhere i go people stare at me, but those are random people that don’t speak to me. i want somebody to actually tell me that they think i’m beautiful and mean it.
i’m sick of never hearing it. nobody has ever said anything like that to me in person. i know it’s probably because of my awful personality, but the harder i try to be perfect, the more doubtful i get.
i mean, my skirt can’t be shorter, my bra can’t push up any more, i’m tanned, i can’t wear more makeup, i can’t do more to my hair, i think my style is pretty good. i’m fit and skinny and i’m still not beautiful.
what a horrible realisation that i can do absolutely nothing about.
don’t mind me. just having a “i’m so alone, woe is me” night. (hehehe woe is me)
don’t get me wrong: having them once a week or two is better than every single second of every day for years on end, but i still feel like crap.
merp.
the awkward moment when you show your mum the new lingerie you bought and she’s like “YOU SHAVE EVERYTHING? THAT’S SO ABNORMAL” and i’m like “quite the contrary actually” and she’s all “kids these days”.
very, very awkward.
that i am sick to death of giving girls crap for wearing fake tan, fake nails, having “fake hair”, being “fake”.
i used to wear all black, band shirts, ripped clothing, teased hair, copious amounts of eyeliner, studded belts, had purple, black, red and blue hair, etc. now i fake tan, wear a lot of foundation, i do my nails and i have lighter hair, i wear denim mini shorts and bintang singlets.
and i am like that now because i fit in better this way. it makes me feel better about myself and helps hide/helps me get over my insecurities by looking like everybody else, by looking ‘normal’.
so the next time you criticise somebody for being “fake”, remember that everybody has their own ways of fitting in and feeling better about themselves and that everybody has insecurities. how you dress and how much makeup you wear is not indicative of your problems.
i always creep people out. i don’t know why or how, but i can sense when they just get sick of me or are like “what is this crazy bitch?”.
first guy that is awesome and likes me (even after listening to me fangirl and be weird) in forever and he’s freaking 7 years older than me.
and i can’t stop wanting to flirt with him.
this is bad.
going through some serious musical nostalgia at the moment. listening to all the bands i loved when i was 13, it’s actually quite fantastic and it’s making my realise the contrast in between who i am emotionally, physically, socially, mentally now and then.
i’ve changed a lot. i think it was for the best.
those bands and those songs got me through a lot, like.. a lot and i am eternally grateful, but i’m also so glad that i don’t feel like that anymore.
i still turn to music in a lot of troubled times, but not nearly as much as i used to.
i’m pretty sure i’ve lived through the toughest times of my life and i struggled, but i made it. and even if times did get rough again, which they probably will because that’s life… i think i’d be able to handle it better because i know what works and what doesn’t and what’s healthy. i’d know that there is an end of it all.
that’s pretty motivating stuff. to know that the worst is behind me and i know how to deal with whatever gets thrown at me.
boy that i am forever in love with is drunk and upset and just said that he’s worthless.
i legitimately just felt an incredible hurt ripple through my whole body.
i don’t want him to be upset and he’s not worthless :|
did i just get rejected without even saying anything? yep. yep i did.
how did that happen when i said i’m not even worrying about anyone?
god damnit.
oh well. moving on.
i got rejected by yet another boy. but i’m done with relationships until summer’s over. so that’s the good news. i’m just going to have fun, enjoy the summer, sleep with an attractive boy or two if the opportunity arises and stop being lonely and be carefree :)
until winter!! ahaha
i’ve always had razors in my room for 5 years now. it’s feels nice to be serious about quitting (:
no more slip ups! no more horrible scars. no more hiding bloddy tissues, floors and clothes. no more hiding my wrists. i’m done forever :)
holy shit. actually this doesn’t look like it’s going to stop bleeding any time soon.
